What some of you know, and some of you don’t, is that for the last two months Dan and I have pulled back from some of our responsibilities with Mosaic to get refreshed and pray about what He has in store for us in this next season. During this time, He reminded me that almost 2 years ago, when I saw a picture in my mind of myself straddling two different boxes, he told me, “You will never feel like you fit until you let go. You fit with me.” A few days later, I received a phone call from a good friend. She said that God had shown her a picture in her mind of a foot slipping into a shoe, and He said He was going to place us in something that really fit well. We felt God initiating something new in our lives, and felt God leading Dan to pursue business as a career. An opportunity was basically set in our laps for Dan to interview with a consulting firm. So we pursued it.
During the month of interviews, we experienced so much peace from God and confirmation about this job from our own encounters with Him and from our family and friends. Everything seemed to be lining up. Then today we heard from the company, that although they were impressed with Dan, they were putting the positions in this program on hold for internal reasons. Huh?
Exactly. It was all too familiar. We had heard this before. It’s not you, it’s the timing. Okay, but what now?
And as I ran to Him to comfort my overwhelmed heart, He said what He said in January, “I’m protecting you.” And I let tears slip down my face as I listened to these words that my computer sung over me: “God, I will look to you. I won’t be overwhelmed. You give me vision, to see things like you do. God, I look to you. You’re where my help comes from. You give me wisdom, for you know just what to do.” And I went back to the words I wrote in that email: We are not fillers. He is going to do something with us that will draw an army. He will fulfill His purposes for us. He prefers us over others for certain tasks- we are hand-picked.
And He reminded me of the story I read just yesterday. Sarah, weary in waiting for the fulfillment of God’s Promise, convinced Abraham to take Hagar as a wife. “Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her,” she said. For God had promised that Abraham’s very son would be his heir, and that his offspring would be like the stars. Yet Sarah remained childless, so maybe this was how it would come to pass- through Hagar. And as I remembered this story, I made a decision in my heart. It was one of those moments when, had I been living Old Testament style, I would have built a little altar with whatever rocks I saw lying around or named a well or mountain something like, He is faithful. I will not go around God’s plans. I will not, in weariness or in fear, try to hasten the fulfillment of what He has spoken to me. I will stand on His word: For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end–it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
And I continued to let tears slip down my face, and by the time they dripped off my cheeks, they were no longer tears of confusion, disappointment, and fear, but tears of thankfulness, expectation, and peace.
And as He comforted my heart, I remembered one more thing. In this whole process, the only thing that didn’t feel fully peaceful was the timing. As the possibility of Dan getting this job started looking more like reality, the thought of having to move within weeks, or a month, was hard for my heart. My heart has made a home here in this city. And when you move in ministry, you usually have the luxury of a slower transition. We knew for almost a year that we were moving to Seattle before we actually packed our stuff up. It gave our hearts time to release. To close one chapter in order to start another. To finish well.
Well, maybe this is that time. Or maybe not. Either way, He is protecting us. He is leading us. And He is definitely teaching us something big, something transformational, and something foundational. We want His best, and we want to get it His way, not ours.
For now, I will continue to live, to love, and to impact the place He has me in. Because ultimately, I was made to worship Him, and I can do that in whatever location, whatever role, and whatever capacity He has me in right now. I may not have any idea what He is doing or why, but I know exactly who He is.
I will look to Him. I won’t be overwhelmed.